Tommy: "Here's a little trick I want to show you now. It's the very famous egg and bag trick."​​

He picks up a bag and an egg

Tommy: " Here's the egg, here's the bag. I went to the dentist. He said my teeth are all right, but my gums will have to come out! I said, 'I've got a terrible pain just up there."

Points to the top of his mouth

Tommy: "He said, 'I'll tell you what I'll do.' I said, 'What's that?' Cos' he spoke to me. And I said, 'Ive got a pain up there."

Points to the top of his mouth again

Tommy: "He said, 'I tell you what I'll X Ray it.' He got these little tiny X-Rays, like that, little small one's like that, and he put it up there like that."

Points to the top of his mouth again

Tommy: "And I'm sitting there, like that and he brings this X-Ray machine in, see. And he went...zzzzzzzzz." Just like that.......and he took it out and he looked at it. Then he said, 'No wonder it hurts you've got a finger poked up there!"


Tommy: " Egg, bag.........bag, egg. This egg will vanish before your very eyes.  My feet are killing me. Every night whilst I'm lying in bed they get me round the throat, like that, trying to strangle me. Now I want you to watch me very, very closely. And if you see any suspicious movements, don't say anything. This egg will vanish, in front of your very eyes and you won't have the slightest clue where it's gone."

Puts egg in bag

Tommy: " Yet on the other hand.......I've got four fingers and a thumb."

Squashes the bag and moves his arm, quickly putting his hand under his armpit then away again. Audience burst out into fits of laughter. Opens the bag

Tommy: " Look it's vanished right in front of your very eyes and you haven't got the slightest clue where it's gone."
Audience laughs

Tommy: "Aye? Where? Under me arm? No."

Lifts right arm up and down

Tommy: "The other one?"

Puts his back to the audience and lifts his right arm again

Tommy: "No. This one?"

Lifts left arm up and down only from the elbow

Tommy: "Higher?"


Tommy: "Howzat?"

Lifts left arm fully to reveal an empty armpit

Tommy: "Ah Hah."